Confirmation
Confirmation is Martin Buber’s term for the act of affirming another person in their becoming — not approving of them, agreeing with them, or validating their self-image, but recognizing and affirming their reality, their otherness, their capacity to grow and change. Confirmation happens in the Between, in genuine I-Thou encounter.
What Confirmation Is Not
Confirmation is not:
- Approval — You can confirm someone whose choices you disagree with.
- Agreement — You can confirm someone while seeing things differently.
- Validation — Confirmation is not about making someone feel good or supporting their self-concept.
- Acceptance — Confirmation is more active and relational than mere acceptance.
What Confirmation Is
Confirmation is the relational act of saying, in effect: “I see you. You are real. Your becoming matters.” It is recognizing the other person as a genuine other — not a projection, not a function, not an object, but a Thou. This recognition is not passive observation but active engagement: confirmation involves being genuinely present to and responsive to the other’s existence.
Buber distinguishes between wishing someone were different (which is compatible with confirmation) and willing them to be other than they are (which denies confirmation). To confirm is to affirm the other’s own path of becoming, even when that path is difficult or moves in directions you would not choose.
Confirmation and Development
Buber argued that confirmation is essential to human development. We become who we are through being confirmed by others. Without confirmation, the self remains fragile, defensive, cut off from its own potential. Confirmation is what allows the true self to emerge and unfold.
This resonates with Winnicott’s concept of the good-enough mother, who confirms the infant’s gestures and expressions rather than imposing her own agenda. It also resonates with Jessica Benjamin’s concept of mutual recognition — the intersubjective process by which two people affirm each other’s reality.
Confirmation in Relational Practice
For practices like Circling, dialogical work, or any relational encounter, confirmation is both a practice and an outcome. The practice is to genuinely see and affirm the other’s becoming; the outcome is that both participants are confirmed in the encounter. Confirmation cannot be unilateral — it happens in the Between, and it transforms both participants.
Connections
- Martin Buber — Developed the concept in I and Thou and later writings.
- I and Thou — The foundational text.
- I-Thou — Confirmation is essential to the I-Thou relation.
- The Between — Confirmation happens in the relational space.
- Mutual Recognition — Jessica Benjamin’s parallel concept.
- Good-Enough Mother — Winnicott’s concept of developmental confirmation.
- Existentialism — Buber’s dialogical existentialism.